Why Do Couples Get Stuck?

stuck

Why do couples get stuck? And how do they move through the most pervasive issue that keeps them there? What is that issue? I will answer that question, but please keep reading first.

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Scarcity or Abundance?

rituals

It’s all in your mindset. Everyone who lives in this region the past week understands what it is like to wait for a hurricane, especially one of the magnitude of Hurricane Matthew. I sincerely hope your family did not suffer during the storm. The idea of scarcity or abundance is easily apparent at the grocery store if you shopped for bread early. The ritual of buying hurricane supplies demonstrates the evolutionary instinct to stockpile for tough times. Were you anxious about not having enough food to get through the storm? Considering this idea, what sort of attitude do you approach your relationships with? What do you have stockpiled that will help you make it through the inevitable storms of your relationship?  Read more

A Simple Approach to Ease Flooding

conflict management

What is flooding? What do I mean by a simple approach to ease flooding? And of course I am not talking about Katrina-type flooding, although the feeling is just as overwhelming as it was to the residents of New Orleans.

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Facts: The Cherry On Top

conflict management

One thing that bothers me about therapy and self-help books is their focus on nice, tidy stories and methods that neatly tie up experiences and outcomes. Cue music! Cue lights! It is as if the authors are saying, if you follow my step by step program, you will be cured! They might as well put a cherry on top.

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Are You Experiencing Anxiety Choosing Individual Therapy vs Couples?

anxious about choosing

If you experience anxiety choosing therapy, whether or not it is individual therapy vs couples therapy to repair your relationship, this post has some good criteria to consider. Often both are warranted, but thinking about it with these areas in mind is a good place to start. Read more

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What does a baby monkey have to do with the fight you had with your lover last night?

fight with lover

Harry Harlow was the first to do groundbreaking research using rhesus monkeys to demonstrate the profound impact mother attachment had on the normal growth and maturation of the baby monkeys in his experiments. It showed that even when the monkeys were repeatedly rejected by painful mother “dolls”, they would return seeking connection even though the source (the doll) was woefully lacking in the same.

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What Is the One Thing Couples Don’t Know When They are Fighting?

couples

In order to answer this question about the one thing couples do not realize when they are fighting, a little background is helpful. Science from all sorts of fields tell us that loneliness raises our blood pressure and can increase the risk of heart disease, even stroke, by double.

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What Every Body Says

what every body says

I just finished an interesting book about reading body language written by Joe Navarro, an ex-FBI agent:

What Every Body Is Saying, 2008, Harper by Joe Navarro and Marvin Karlins, PhD

What interested me the most was the author’s scientific comparisons and parallels to the limbic system as the primary generator of physical behaviors by our bodies that are largely unconscious.

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Codependency: What might we extract from the best of the self help onslaught?

codependence

If the term codependency sits among the self help genre continually baiting us to believe we all have some form of it, perhaps there are at least a few takeaways we can put to use.

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Codependency: Has it been bastardized by pop psychology?

codependency

Codependency originated around the early 80’s to help families with alcohol and drug problems. It stemmed from the idea that the whole family system needs to be addressed to achieve recovery, and that certain family members may be hindering the process by enabling the substance abuser. The word and the concept are still wildly popular today, and hundreds of self help books exist to serve you.

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