Harry Harlow was the first to do groundbreaking research using rhesus monkeys to demonstrate the profound impact mother attachment had on the normal growth and maturation of the baby monkeys in his experiments. It showed that even when the monkeys were repeatedly rejected by painful mother “dolls”, they would return seeking connection even though the source (the doll) was woefully lacking in the same.
In order to answer this question about the one thing couples do not realize when they are fighting, a little background is helpful. Science from all sorts of fields tell us that loneliness raises our blood pressure and can increase the risk of heart disease, even stroke, by double.
I just finished an interesting book about reading body language written by Joe Navarro, an ex-FBI agent:
What Every Body Is Saying, 2008, Harper by Joe Navarro and Marvin Karlins, PhD
What interested me the most was the author’s scientific comparisons and parallels to the limbic system as the primary generator of physical behaviors by our bodies that are largely unconscious.
If the term codependency sits among the self help genre continually baiting us to believe we all have some form of it, perhaps there are at least a few takeaways we can put to use.
Codependency originated around the early 80’s to help families with alcohol and drug problems. It stemmed from the idea that the whole family system needs to be addressed to achieve recovery, and that certain family members may be hindering the process by enabling the substance abuser. The word and the concept are still wildly popular today, and hundreds of self help books exist to serve you.
How do you go about getting what you want and need from a relationship?
By stating what you need, not what you think the other person must change or do.
When you first get married, the transition can sometimes be a little rough, but you can begin to smooth it out by creating your own style of marriage, one that has its own identity and meaning.
Did you know that half of all divorces occur in the first 7 years of marriage? So what might a couple do to stave off this statistic? How about taking the public health approach and vaccinating your relationship with premarital counseling?
If you are trying to actively listen, that is okay. But to really hear someone, you must be truly curious about what they have to say.
PAGE RUTLEDGE, LCSW, CHt | Anxiety Therapy
5006 Randall Parkway (close to UNCW)
Wilmington, NC 28403
Free parking at office