If you have ever clicked on a website that had products that interested you and allowed it to collect cookies, or given out your email address, if you have accounts anywhere, including credit cards of any type (and who doesn’t?), heck, if you’re ever on a computer—you are prone to scams.

If you have an iPhone, if you have an Android, it doesn’t matter. If you have a burner phone, again, you are prone to scams.

Some of the latest and most common scams are called calendar scams. They show up only on your calendar and claim that you have a deadline to accept something and/or make a payment. Do not click on these. They will usually expire if you do nothing, and they can be extremely difficult to get rid of once you engage with them.

Scams abound.

There are so many different types that it is almost impossible to keep track of them all. Behind many of these scams are entire operations devoted to creating and pursuing victims all day long. In some parts of the world, people work under desperate conditions, and some reports have documented individuals being forced into scam operations against their will. The result is a relentless stream of new schemes, new tactics, and new ways to separate people from their money.

So, of course, by now you may be asking: What can I do?

Sadly, the answer is that you can only do what you can do.

You can place a lock on your credit. You can monitor your accounts carefully. You can be extremely cautious with your credit cards. It helps to use payment systems such as Apple Pay or the Android equivalent, because they generate substitute payment credentials rather than exposing your actual card number to every merchant. These tools add another layer of protection between you and the scammer.

I personally know people who have lost well over $100,000 to sophisticated, carefully orchestrated scams. These people are not foolish. They are not careless. They are college-educated, well-read, informed, worldly people who follow current events and understand the risks. Yet they were still vulnerable.

Just like you.

Just like me.

So yes, I urge caution. I urge skepticism. I urge taking every practical step possible to protect yourself.

But the topic I really want to address is something else.

I want to talk about scam shame.

Scam Shame

The shame that accompanies being scammed can be overwhelming. It can stay with a person day and night. At first, it feels almost unshakable.

Part of the pain comes from the loss itself. The money that disappeared may have represented security, opportunity, retirement savings, or simply peace of mind. Even when the financial loss is survivable, the emotional loss can be devastating.

But there is another layer to it.

Many victims believed they would never fall for a scam.

When it happens, they aren’t just grieving the money. They are grieving the image they had of themselves as someone who would have seen it coming.

That realization can hurt deeply.

And then, sometimes, a relative or acquaintance says something unbelievably thoughtless:

“Oh, I thought you were smarter than that.”

Of course that creates a shame reaction.

How could it not?

The implication is that only foolish people get scammed. But that simply isn’t true. The most successful scams are designed specifically to bypass intelligence, education, experience, and common sense. They prey on trust, urgency, fear, hope, loneliness, authority, and timing. They exploit moments of distraction and vulnerability that every human being experiences.

Every one of us likes to think we would spot the scam.

Many of us are wrong.

And that is where the shame begins.

So let’s talk about three things that deserve a follow-up discussion: recovery, self-forgiveness, and perhaps most importantly, how friends and loved ones should respond to someone who has been victimized by a scam.

Recovery

Recovery takes time.

How much time probably depends, at least in part, on the amount of money or property that was taken from you. That’s understandable. It’s especially understandable if the money represented a great deal of security, or worse, was a financial necessity that you are now going to sorely miss.

Financial loss is not just about dollars and cents. Money often represents safety, independence, future plans, retirement, or the ability to care for loved ones. When a scam takes those things away, the loss can feel deeply personal.

Recovery is rarely immediate. It is often measured in small steps: making phone calls, closing accounts, filing reports, creating new financial plans, and gradually rebuilding confidence. Some days will be better than others.

That is normal.

Self-Forgiveness

Self-forgiveness is tied directly to recovery.

Personally, I think one of the most helpful things a person can do is place their experience into the much larger context of the sheer number of scams that exist and the frequency with which people encounter them.

Every day, millions of scam attempts are launched against ordinary people. They arrive by email, text message, phone call, social media, online marketplaces, fake investment opportunities, fake charities, fake banking alerts, and countless other methods.

If you cannot accept that virtually anyone can become a victim of these scams, it becomes much harder to forgive yourself.

Instead, you may find yourself repeating the same painful messages:

“I was stupid.”

“I was foolish.”

“I should have known better.”

But those thoughts often ignore an important reality: these scams are specifically designed to overcome skepticism. They are tested, refined, and constantly adapted to exploit human emotions and human trust.

Self-forgiveness begins when you stop viewing yourself as uniquely flawed and start viewing yourself as human.

You made a mistake. You were deceived. Those statements may be true.

But they are not the same thing as being unintelligent.

They are not the same thing as being careless.

And they are certainly not the same thing as being unworthy of compassion.

How Others Should Respond

This may be the most important part of all.

If someone you care about has been victimized by a scam, please do not assume that you are somehow above having the same thing happen to you.

Please do not assume that you are more intelligent, more educated, more sophisticated, or somehow immune.

You are not.

None of us are.

Anyone can become the victim of an incredibly sophisticated financial scheme. Anyone can be caught at the wrong moment, under the wrong circumstances, by the right manipulator.

What scam victims need most is not judgment.

They need support.

They need practical help.

They need someone who will listen without immediately asking, “How could you fall for that?”

And if your loved one is experiencing any level of dementia, regardless of the cause, then it becomes especially important for someone they trust to help monitor financial matters.

That may mean helping review bills.

It may mean reviewing charitable solicitations.

It may mean screening requests for donations.

Many older adults become vulnerable to appeals that make them feel they can still contribute or, as some have said, “at least do some good in the world.”

Unfortunately, scammers understand that impulse and often exploit it.

I have relatives who faced exactly this challenge. They found themselves rushing to their parents’ home every day to collect the mail before it could be opened. They sorted through stacks of solicitations, discarded the predatory ones, and left only the legitimate correspondence.

It was exhausting.

But it was also necessary.

You Are Not Alone

One final thought about recovery and self-forgiveness.

If you want to understand just how widespread these crimes are, consider contacting your state’s Attorney General’s office. You may be surprised by how many complaints they receive and how familiar they are with the tactics being used.

One of the most healing things a victim can hear is this:

You are not alone.

Not remotely.

There are thousands of people who have experienced something very similar.

And there are people who understand.

Most importantly, talk about it.

Talk with a trusted friend.

Talk with a loved one.

Talk with a therapist.

Talk with someone.

It is extraordinarily difficult to gain perspective when you carry this burden entirely by yourself.

Shame thrives in silence.

It grows in isolation.

It feeds on secrecy.

But once you begin talking about what happened, shame begins to lose some of its power.

My wish is that this never happens to you.

The reality, however, is that most of us will encounter some form of scam at some point in our lives. Perhaps it will be a fraudulent charge on a credit card. Perhaps it will be an identity theft attempt. Perhaps it will be something more elaborate.

Hopefully, your bank or credit card company catches it before any damage is done.

Sometimes they do.

Sometimes they don’t.

So remain cautious. Stay informed. Protect yourself as best you can.

And if it happens anyway, remember this:

You are not alone.

You are not the first.

You will not be the last.

And you deserve the same compassion that you would offer anyone else.

Caveat Emptor.

Much Love,

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