HOW DO YOU TOLERATE THE PAIN OF ESTRANGEMENT FROM AN ADULT CHILD?
Wow, this is a tough one. A situation that is full of blame, grief, and feeling unfairly attacked or mistreated–by the very child you loved, nurtured and cherished. It causes so much grief and anxiety.
When parents come in to see me they most often are expressing a litany of all of the reasons why they should not be excluded from their child’s life. Often they are grieving the loss of contact with precious grandchildren.Blame is an active part of the conversation, whether it is of their child, or their child’s spouse. Sometimes it is the result of choices the parent made during the child’s upbringing that they wish they could change now.
BLAME LEAVES BOTH PARTIES STUCK.
Blame is the act in this play that causes parents and adult children to continue the split and the heartache. It does not help.
Openness to what is being said is the door to healing.
If the relationship cannot be repaired, then you can learn to allow your feelings instead of avoiding them. This will help you to move through them more effectively. Feelings are never permanent. They come and they go, even the positive ones, even joy.