Couples in Conflict
Let’s start with outright betrayal. When an affair has occurred, your relationship has essentially had a heart attack. How the attack is managed in the aftermath has everything to do with the possibility of recovery, or your decision to end the relationship.
Often the betrayed partner feels an urgent sense of neediness, inadequacy, and questions their ability to trust at all. They feel sad, angry, and resentful of the betraying partner who “got to scratch their itch.” Know that the grief and anger over the lost marriage has to have room to breathe in order to recover.
The partner who betrayed may have felt trapped in the relationship, or simply bored. Unpacking their state of mind is also important to achieve any forward movement in the relationship.
Get professional help with these issues. It is essential to have a well-trained and neutral observer to move through this rupture with any success, whatever success looks like to you.
Can you do relationship therapy by yourself?
Yes, and there are several solid reasons to do so. The first of which is that you, by yourself, can make positive changes in your relationship once you learn how. In addition, you can:
- Learn how to behave differently to promote lasting change in a partner.
- Notice which approaches work, and which do not, with your partner.
- Know how to talk effectively so that your partner will listen. The goal is to be honest and authentic, but not hurtful. Your own changes may motivate your spouse to work with you in therapy.