Self Awareness Archives -

Here Is The Secret To Having The Best Relationships

The secret to having the best relationships is self differentiation. This is a fifty-cent term for knowing who you are, what you like, and having the ability to express this clearly, without hesitation, to another person. It requires insight, emotional intelligence, authenticity, transparency and assertiveness. It is a BIG concept that we can and should strive for throughout life in different circumstances with different people. It is essential for healthy relationships.

I will break it down for you in three simple parts.

January 29, 2022/by Page Rutledge

Anxiety, Self Awareness

Anxiety Sensitivity: 10 Factors that contribute to “Sticky Thoughts”

If you have anxiety sensitivity, here are 10 factors that contribute to “Sticky Thoughts.” Sticky thoughts are the ones you just can’t shake loose. Sticky thoughts predispose your mind to anxiety and hyper-vigilance. They tend to keep you stuck in your own personal anxiety loop that is both unproductive and self-shaming. That is why learning to identify and talk back to them is critical to your good mental well being.

Feeling stuck?

The 10 Sticky Thoughts Factors

Sleep deprivation/insomnia
Drinking alcohol
[Some] OTC medications
Steroids of any type, asthma meds
Your genetic inheritance is a factor
Any illness, a cold, for example
Caffeine or sugar intake—notice what affects your body
A natural cycle upon wakening that many feel as a sort of dread of the day, which lessens over the course of the day
Hormone fluctuations
Hyper-vigilance, or monitoring of the content of the mind is the most prevalent factor of all.

BONUS ROUND!!! Social Media! Devices! They are the trigger for so many of our sticky thoughts.

December 25, 2020/by Page Rutledge

Academic Life, Grad Students, Self Awareness

Want To Take A Personality Test That Is Actually Accurate?

We do love a quiz that will supposedly reveals ourselves to….well ourselves. Am I right? Want to take personality tests that are actually accurate? We desperately want to understand ourselves and our relationships with others. Unfortunately taking a well researched test eludes the vast majority of us. Why?

January 27, 2020/by Page Rutledge

Self Awareness, Women's Issues

The Gift Of Resentment

What on earth would I mean by the gift of resentment? What are the signals that your boundaries are being tested, crossed or outright ignored? What feelings or emotions might you notice when this is occurring? How might you consistently and accurately judge when you need to clarify, remind, or set a firmer boundary?

September 8, 2019/by Page Rutledge

Depression, Self Awareness

Is Boredom Really The Problem?

Humans are a problem solving species. We are wired for it, beginning perhaps with the evolutionarily imperative to find food. And boredom is a problem we are driven to solve.

In modern times, boredom can mean many things. Generally there are plenty of things to do, just nothing you want to do, or feel like doing. It’s the uneasy feeling of being unstimulated with nothing to occupy your mind. It’s one reason social media thrives. It’s the fastest feel-good balm we can turn to for that ping of instant gratification.

June 15, 2019/by Page Rutledge

Anxiety, Self Awareness

What Is Your Inner Critic And Where Did It Come From?

To answer that, here is a story for you. Read more

May 19, 2019/by Page Rutledge

Academic Life, Anxiety, Depression, Grad Students, Self Awareness

The Speed Of Want

The Speed Of Want is a chapter title I read in the recent (great) book by therapist Lori Gottlieb Maybe You Should Talk To Someone (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2019). In it she alludes to what I think of as the human evolutionary trait of finding faster, easier ways to the goal, with none or less of the hard work necessary to accomplish it. Witness the recent college admissions cheating scandal. In modern times, think of the changes that have occurred simply between the start of the industrial age and the present that have impacted our lives with mass production, instant worldwide communication, and outsourced labor due to advanced robotics alone.

But there are unintended consequences to this ‘need for speed.’

April 18, 2019/by Page Rutledge

Couples Counseling, Self Awareness

Why Is Assertiveness Important?

“I hate confrontation.”

That is what I hear at least once a day in my therapy practice. And it is usually from women. I wish I could give every woman who thinks this a short lesson on assertiveness, which is often what they mistake for confrontation or conflict. It does not mean you must alter a quiet demeanor, become bold and brassy, or the even worse expression— “a real ball breaker.” Why is assertiveness important? First you have to understand what assertiveness actually means.

March 23, 2019/by Page Rutledge

Couples Counseling, Self Awareness

Don’t Give Up

Do you like cheeseburgers? Boy I do, but I also like a lot of other foods. I don’t want to eat the same thing everyday. The same idea applies when you end up with a therapist who relies on just one approach to help you. Some forms of therapy demand a sort of “workbook-stick-with-the-program” pre-packaged approach that can leave a client feeling oddly out of sync with the therapist. It feels forced. Or the person doesn’t feel like the therapist “gets it” even when they are kind and supportive. This can actually worsen your situation by making you feel as if you did something wrong. Don’t give up. There are actions you can take that will help.

October 7, 2018/by Page Rutledge

Habits, Self Awareness

Grit

I am waiting to return safely to my home in Wilmington, North Carolina. We are currently cut off by flood waters. My husband and I evacuated from Hurricane Florence and the destruction it left behind. While I wait, I am reading the book Grit (2016) by Angela Duckworth. She is a psychologist and researcher at University of Pennsylvania who studies achievement, and has a TED Talk you may wish to hear on the subject of grit. It’s been on my list for a while, and this seemed like a fairly pointed time to dive in.

Grit sounds self explanatory, but if you think you have it, you may be engaging in oversimplification. I expect many who find themselves cleaning up and rebuilding in the aftermath of the horrific destruction by Florence are going to experience either its lack, or its presence, in their lives.

September 22, 2018/by Page Rutledge

PAGE RUTLEDGE, LCSW, CHt | Anxiety Therapy