Are you one? A super sensitive ruminator? A person who thinks deeply about things, maybe sometimes too much? Or perhaps you veer into the scarier territory of unwanted intrusive thoughts. These little torturers will keep you stuck for sure. The most ineffective action you can take is trying not to have your thoughts. My mantra to you is “Change your relationship with your thoughts and your beliefs about them.”
Rumination And Trolls
First, nine out of ten people have them. That’s right–you are likely just one of the 90%.
Second, if you have them often and find yourself stuck in them, here’s a crucial bit of info. You get stuck in these horrifying, violent, what-if I-hurt-someone patterns because your actual belief system is the opposite of what your thoughts are. That’s right. Your intrusive thoughts are really the opposite of what you value. They are like trolls, creature that hide, waiting to extract an emotional toll that you are too willing to pay. That is precisely why they are so terrifying. So if you have these thoughts, and please remember that almost everyone has unspeakable thoughts at times, but there is simply too much shame associated with having them to discuss them openly.
For example did you know, according to Brené Brown (the world’s number one authority on shame research), that the number one shame inducing trigger for men is fear of appearing weak? As a therapist, I can tell you that is one of the main reasons men dislike coming to couple’s counseling. They feel ashamed of failure in the relationship, which they perceive as a weakness.
In our culture the thought of committing suicide is painted as weakness. But the litany of frightening thoughts is many: I might hurt my baby. What if I pick up this knife and cut myself? I could just crash my car into this tree. I could ram this asshole in front of me with my car.
What if you start labeling these thoughts for exactly what they are? Unwanted intrusive thoughts–not truth. Rumination. Nothing more. Recall what I mentioned above, that these thoughts are horrifying because they are not part of your belief system. They are the opposite of what you value.
Would you like to learn a better way to manage these unwanted intrusive thoughts? If you want to learn how to tame your anxiety, how to manage it on a lasting basis, shoot me an email, or go to my contact page. I am here in your neighborhood and ready to help.