There are three primary things that people want from therapy. These items are based on a recent valid survey of over 15oo responses as reported by researcher Linda Michaels, PsyD, MBA. She is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Chicago. She is also the chair and co-founder of the Psychotherapy Action Network (PsiAN), a non-profit that advocates for quality therapy. Her group took on an extensive research project leveraging data and techniques widely used in the corporate world in 2024, focused on listening to the public and understanding what people want from therapy. This is the result of that endeavor.
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“Dreams within conflict are the underlying, unfulfilled hopes, aspirations, and wishes beneath an issue in a relationship, big or small.”—Gottman Institute
Here I want to note that substituting the term “values” for dreams may make more sense, because conflict occurs when someone’s values are not aligning with our own. That is when we feel either resentment or discomfort, and when our fears that this [relationship] is just not going to work surface.
According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), “After receiving treatment, almost 90% of clients report an improvement in their emotional health, and nearly two-thirds report an improvement in their overall physical health. Over three-fourths of those receiving marital/couples or family therapy report an improvement in the couple relationship.”
If therapy works so well, then why then, does good couples therapy sometimes fail? What are the reasons?
I have twelve rules that have proven effective for having productive couples counseling. These rules particularly apply to couples in distress, who wonder if they should even be together at all.
Ahhhh. We do love a quiz that promises to reveal ourselves to our, well, ourselves. And big business loves to to see how well you might fit into their organizational team. That we love personality tests is the why that drives their proliferation. But I wonder if you might like to understand why many of them are junk, clickbait, and rather useless. And how to pick one that gives useful information about your personality. I am going to help you do that!
This isn’t the typical advice column, so you are duly warned. It’s a two minute read, so no excuses, to learn five ways to boost your relationship happiness. Read more
What is the secret sauce to a long and happy marriage? I recently had my own personal physician ask me this. She said she asks every patient this. I have to assume she meant every long-time married patient!
Your children are like so much wet cement according to Time Magazine, in that they are impressionable at an early age. Your words and actions make impressions that will ‘harden’ over time and guide their sense of identity. A large portion of our job as parents is to guide, shape and correct them. When shaping behaviors, it is important to guard how much you criticize vs praise those you love. The same thing applies to your partner. Is complaining your habit? So what is the magic ratio?
Money fights are a hot spot I am asked about frequently by couples. Money has a lot to do with power in relationships. Here’s an example.
Do you ever wonder why your arguments with your partner seem so circular? Like “Arrrggghhhh! We have had this discussion 10,000 times and it never turns out any different!” Would you like to learn how to open the door to peaceful resolution? It takes work to be present when you are angry or hurt, but wouldn’t you rather begin a conversation that opens communication rather than shutting it down with criticism?