This isn’t the typical advice column, so you are duly warned. It’s a two minute read, so no excuses, to learn five ways to boost your relationship happiness.

1. Watch (or read) Fleishman Is In Trouble on Hulu. It is a lesson in self-absorption and attachment based mental illness (see episode 7 for that).
2. Women, stop thinking that “assertive” is a dirty word. Ask to have your needs, wants, and desires met, without apology.
3. Don’t flinch when your partner does the same. The key is for both of you to do it an a way that can be heard, ie, no name calling, no over-the-top emotions during the ask, and being prepared to listen for whatever is going on beneath those big feelings for your partner.
4. There are a LOT of ways to say no. Here’s how not to. Don’t say this: “You have no f’in clue what my day is like, so don’t come sashaying in here with your “When’s dinner, hon?” self!” [Oye.] Instead, say this: “Well, little Topher has a fever of 103, Gracie threw up 14 times, and Dilbert just told me he needs a trifold for his science project due tomorrow at 8:00am. So I could use a little help with either dinner prep or watching the kids for a few.” This might seem like I’m exaggerating, but you get the drift. And it is likely an understatement for those of you who single parent.
5. For the love of all the cheese in the world, DO NOT expect your partner to mind-read your needs. This is such a typical trap for couples, especially for those in long standing relationships holding the belief “You should just know what I need without asking” is deadly, and leaves you destined for disappointment. (See #2 above.)
   

   “You have no f’in clue what my day is like, so don’t come sashaying in here with your “When’s dinner, hon?” self!” [Oye.] Instead, say this: “Well, little Topher has a fever of 103, Gracie threw up 14 times, and Dilbert just told me he needs a trifold for his science project due tomorrow at 8:00am. So I could use a little help with either dinner prep or watching the kids for a few.”

Whew. If you achieve these five tips, you will be light years ahead of most. And if you need help figuring out your part in the relationship web, contact me here. Focusing on how you may be perpetuating a problem, even if your partner is the source, can be quite eye opening. You can only change you and your response.

P.S. A good way to say no is “No.” Or possibly if you’re feeling generous “Yes, but not now.”