It’s pretty standard knowledge that you go to therapy to change something. But changing a way of thinking or a behavior we don’t like is just not that easy, is it? And it is especially difficult to change our reactions to other’s mayhem. If it was we’d all do it and be on our merry way. Let me share three signs you need therapy.
And if reading a ga-zillian self help books and Googling every symptom, asking Quora, and reading every psychiatric blog out there would solve it, well then, who needs therapy?
I’m of a mindset that therapy ought to be like going to the dentist. If you have a problem with your teeth, you get that mess attended to, and then you go in for routine check ups, unless of course you want worse issues, like, ummmm, NO teeth. (HINT: Eating with your real teeth is kinda nice.)
Want to know three signs you need help? Here you go.
1) You Need Therapy: When your body is aching.
First, anxiety is not all in your head. You know that for sure. Your body is working overtime to tell you so.
Muscle tension is a bear. Women typically carry it across their shoulders and neck. Closely followed by a tight, knotted stomach that can easily become diarrhea (I know–gross, but it’s a fact). Headaches, heightened irritability, and shallow breathing when we panic are typical. Your appetite is out of kilter, and you either eat too much, which increases your self-loathing, or you don’t eat much at all, getting into whacked out patterns you don’t understand. And sleep? What sleep? Or what sleep that is even remotely restful?
2) You Need Therapy: When you are afraid to tell anyone anything of any importance to you.
Enter the world of suppressed emotions. Suppressed emotions want out. And they will find a way. Whether it is to attack your body physically (see above), attack your immune system, or send you into volcanic anger responses, the kind of responses that make others say whuuut is up with you? Anger, tears, passive aggressive behaviors, the always popular rumination or fantasies about what you’d LIKE to say or do–but don’t dare. Because that is too darn risky.
3) You Need therapy: When your behaviors don’t match up with who you want to be.
Are you continuing to see someone who you KNOW is bad for you? Someone who does not show you respect or give and take in a relationship? Hey, this can happen with friends or lovers. (Break ups with gal pals are the worst!) Are you impulsively spending beyond your paltry bank account? Giving in to”twinkly” purchases because you “feel like it” or tell yourself “I deserve this?” Or maybe it boils down to what makes you feel good RIGHT NOW damn it. And you NEED to feel good RIGHT NOW. Add up a chain of those choices and you will end up broke, addicted, and in the toilet with your self respect. Drugs, booze, food, clothes, Netflix, you name it. We are experts at self numbing and instant self gratification. These are great ways to hide our pain and our true selves from others. Sadly they work in the short term to bring comfort, but stand like the rock of Gibraltar between you and your real goals.
All of these choices meet a need, just not in a way that squares with your actual goals. And it is not easy to understand the whys of how you got there, but working on THAT is what helps you untangle the mess. Until you know why you make these choices in the first place, you can’t stop them.
When we work together, I’ll teach you how to get curious about these behaviors. Getting curious is far more effective than getting critical. I mean don’t you do that to yourself already ad nauseam? Aren’t your ready to go past that? Ready to stop wasting your precious time? And aren’t you more than ready to feel the freedom that comes with making choices that align with who you are as a person?
Go ahead and call me or shoot me an email. Let’s untangle those anxious thoughts together.